Hello one, Hello all.
How are you two doin'?

Yeah? Oh really?
Weeellll, that sounds fantastic. It's great to hear.
What's up with me?
Oh, not much. Nothing of importance anway.
hahaha.


Ok so, not that we've gotten that pyschopathic threatric beginning out of the way--

So, ya know that JOOOB I was gonna get. (I don't think I posted much, if anything, about it up here but you still know about it right? Right. That's why I love ya :) <3)

Weeeeelll, it recently hit quite a bit of a snag.
And by bit of a snag,
I mean it came to a violently screeching hault.

The whole premise of me getting the job was that I would be replacing a guy who was going on a mission trip for two years or something like that.
Found out Monday,
he ain't goin'.
....

SO THUS ENDS THE STORY OF HOW I LOST MY JOB BEFORE I EVEN FREAKING STARTED IT! :D
How cool do you have to be for that to happen? Preeeetty cool huh? Huh?! Yeah. Damn cool. -puts on shades-

at any rate--

IN OTHER NEWS!
I've recently been feeling my ....hmm, I wanna say worthlessness but that's not the right word?
Obsolution? No, that would mean I was at the top and got surpassed. I have so not even seen the cliff that you rest on before continuing to the top.
Myyyy -still trying to find the right word-
...-leans back in her chair and glares up at the ceiling. No, seriously. I'm really doing that now-
I've begun to realize my fail. My over all, overwelming fail.... ness...ness.
I just,
it's just,

I see people,
people in the professional world,
people not in the professional world,
and they all seem to do just fine.
There's always these stories of people finding other people who want to do what they want to do just as bad as they want to do it and actually getting together and,--ya know--
DOING IT!
Kindered spirits.
People to help you with these sorts of things so you don't feel overwhelmed and aren't going at it all alone.

But I have had a seriously lack of these so called kindered spirity types. And all I have yet to find is people made of words and not of actions.
I mean, the stories supposed to go "Oh, I really liked doing this and wanted to meet some people so I joined this club where I met him and we started talking and we did some stuff and it was cool and we kept on doing it cause we loved it and now we're here telling you this story, isn't that great?"
But so far, my story goes more like,
"Oh I went to this club to maybe make some new friends and get some people who can do things that I can't do so I could have a partner in this and we can both have creative ideas and shake up each others creative ideas to come up with a whole bunch of new creative ideas and do some really cool stuff to to have something cool that we did to show people and just cause it's fun, but I went to the club and everyone was just a lot of talk and wasn't really interested in actually DOING anything, not just saying my ideas, but doing anything at all, and those who were doing things aren't taking them as far as they could to make it the best and I'm frustrated cause they could be so amazing and have something really great on their hands but they don't wanna really go past the block and they don't see past the horizon cause they're lazy or scared or maybe just pigheaded or busy or whatever, so I'm left alone desperately needing a team or at least one other person who can be something other than just more words with lots of fuel but no flame and I keep searching but they've still all come up empty. ...and it makes me very sad."

......GOD. Such a long story. ...And just, all, one... giantic run on sentence too.
Welp, there you go english teachers of America(or any other country who speaks or writes in english and some how found their way to this crap of a blog,) have fun fixing this mess. :)
(Or correcting it. Cause I'm pretty sure I've spelled SOMETHING wrong. I always do <3 )

Anyways,
long
ranty story short.

I am alone. There is no one that I have found yet whom has a similar fire in their belly as I have in mine,
and something that could possibly be great, is left, gathering dust on the shelf, as just an unexcuted idea, or maybe even, a nothing at all.
-sigh-

On a somewhat realited side note,
I've been thinking of recording some songs.
No, not any of my own.
If I wait for one of my songs to be finished enough to a decent recording stage, I think I might be waiting forever. ...And by then, my voice will have dried up from a lack of real use, and my vocal chords will be off key and rough as dust from neglect. ...and the guitar ain't looking too hot either.

No, I'm meaning recording something that's already been written,
kareoke style,
getting someone who might know the song to play the tone with me,
something of that sort,
and just, just,
get myself singing again.
Because I used to sing all the time.
In front of actual people, some small crowds, ANYBODY.
I used to perform. Even if it was just a dinky school choir.
It was regular singing, regular performing, regularl being musically active.
And I miss it.
So I want to record. Maybe put it up on YouTube, link it to my DA, post it on one of those audio voice acting sites and maybe sending it to someone to see if I can maybe get a really lousey, really low pay singing job or voice acting job to lend my vocal chords to something no one will ever hear like a radio play over the internet, or a commercial for a local broadcasting staition. (Which btw, I don't even really need to get paid. I'd probably do most of any for that stuff for free. Just anything to get me singing again and get my voice heard. Even if it's only to like, five people.)

Anyways.
I know, I'm being weird again.
and I'm typing a whole lot.
So I'll stop.
Here.
Right here.
No more.
Cause I've put you all through enough.
Really.
I have.
this is too much to dump on you poor folks who were unlucky enough to stumble onto here and were actually nice enough to read all this(crap).
So Imma stop.
Riiiiight abouuuuuuuut--
NOW~!



.....
<3
love you all.
later~ :3